Tonight, UK Will be Reminded of the Joys of Wartime

As if a cull of all men named Guy living in the UK isn’t bad enough, the potential threat of a Russian attack masked by the sound of our own firework festivities is a recipe for a big bowl of chaos.

Joshua Perrett

Joshua Perrett Reports Live from Hillingdon, London

As Bonfire Night makes itself heard a bit too loudly in the ears of millions, the home nations rejoice to the sound of life in the Middle East.

Much like Syria this year, terror is raining down from the skies, leaving animals cowering under beds and many humans praying that the misery is nearing an end.

London blitz London, blitzed senseless. (Source)

For starters, the old saying: remember, remember the Fifth of November. Oh, how the elderly do so fondly.

Live from my Hillingdon hideout – the Fenderberry household beside the Post Office – 92-year-old local resident and full-time retiree George Fenderberry delivered the news to wife Joanne, aged 90. “Sounds like the Blitz is back on, love,” he said as she dived beneath the Argos dining table, hoping that its inch-thick wood will save her from any projectiles that slam into their…

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