Earlier this week, I made a shocking discovery. My armpits smell like doner meat.
There’s a little salt in the musk, and of course that lamby smell, like chops and mint sauce. There’s even a dampness that clings to the fingers like rubber gloves. Perhaps it’s the doner meat I ate at the weekend, or maybe someone stuck a metal rod in my mouth, out my arse, and has been rotisserie cooking me ever since. But obviously I would’ve noticed if that were the case, although the giant pita bread I’ve been sleeping in seems a bit ominous.
Furthermore, I once got a whiff of my nob – the human spine is surprisingly flexible – and it smelt exactly like a Cheestring. I guess you could say it looked like one too. And I bet a lot of people will be swiping right on my dating app profiles after reading this. Hmm.
It’s kinda funny how the human body can smell like the food you put inside it. I used to have a friend who stank of garlic. Going out with him was like walking around with a giant, bipedal garlic bread. So maybe you really are what you eat. Now I’m going to suck the chocolate off of my fingers. Yeah, chocolate…
In a bit,